Headache

This is gonna be one miserable blog. Hopefully at the end it will all be sunshine and flowers, then ill have to change the name of it...

Ive cried so hard my head now hurts. My eyes are sore and puffy. Ive been crawled up in fetal position, crying my eyes out, like they do in movies. The neighbors could probably hear me, thats how loud and ugly it was. I was hyperventilating, couldnt breathe, coughing...ugh...

I cried because A called me. She called. The new woman. The other woman.
I saw her name on my display and fuckin LOST it! I had no idea i had all these feelings. Or, its that i am now starting to understand WHY i have these feelings. I hate her, but i couldnt say why. Im not in love with D, and i dont want to be his girlfriend. He made a mess out of my life, but i love him. So if im not mad she "took" the love of my life, why am i mad?

I mad she stole my dream. Im mad she knows our history and still chose to not wait. She knew it would hurt me, but didnt choose to wait.
I know deep down that him and I are not meant to be together as lovers, as a couple. But my dream right now was to try. I was ready to try, and thats what he wanted too, since he told me so. But then he changed his mind, and the same day, poof! SHE was there to scoop him up. Actually, before he dumped me, she was there to scoop him up.

The dream she stole was that i was finally gonna have a man in Sweden, i was gonna learn what it meant to be a girlfriend for real. And i loved him, still do, always will.
What they did has made me feel like all the history me and D had was useless, didnt matter. Everything i did for him... She even defended me once and cussed him out for something he did to me, and now she turns around and takes him from me? Fuckin insane.