Tomorrow im going shopping! New years is gonna be great!
Im gonna be stunning at the party, crazy eyelashes and amazing heels. Im definitely blogging about my night out.
i was out two days ago. my male friend came up to me and said, "you have no idea how many men are asking me about you, who you are and if i know you" I think my smile was as wide as my face. i never thought a breakup with D could make me feel less confident, but deep inside im not the same girl i think. on a good note, im humbled. on a bad note im hurt. but im still hot;)
i think...
måndag 29 december 2008
update..
Havent written in a while, felt too down.
I just have to add, my life is great! LOL
I mean, its easy to think im pathetic and this is all i think about, but the blog IS called "my messy breakup" right?
Actually, things are looking better.
So many things around me are great that i cant let A and D pull me down completely. School, party, dance, friends, my cats, my birthday coming up in two days, me still being hotter than a mutha when i go out and gettin "mad burn" as my NY sister would say. Apparently that means the men show you love in the club.....lol
And Q, she´s a great friend right now. Since she is A´s best friend, but has now stepped back from her and feel like she wants to "break up" with her. It makes me feel like im not completely wrong in my hate for A and D. They suck.
i went to the party. Both of them were there. I ignored A and she ignored me. Someone said "here is D, you know him right? " i just looked at him and said "yes".
but of course, with alcohol and emotions runnin wild, at the end of the night things were a bit different. I had cussed D out, screaming at the top of my lungs, and A said to me when we were confronted with eachother "why am i even talking to you, you turned all my friends against me". yeah, I turned them against you... Like you didnt do that by your damn self. when i came to the party, all your friends looked at me and asked how i was feeling and proceded to look at me with doggy eyes saying they heared what happened and felt bad for me. So A, you turned them against you by your damn self, i didnt even have to add to my case. A strong fuckin case that is.
but i had a good time at the party before all this went down. D stayed out of my way, so did A. but as i have mentioned before, the fact that they went there, both of them, is appaling to me.
So at this point, my sadness has turned into hate and discust. More discust than anything, i feel like throwing up when i think of them together.
The bad thing is i feel like getting even. I dont give a shit about her, she is lonley anyway. but him, i have some things, passwords...i could get even if i wanted to. He promised me my money back (can u believe he still owes me cash? and is in no hurry to pay that shit back?) more than three weeks ago, and i still havent seen them. so i emailed him today, lets see what he answeres.
I just have to add, my life is great! LOL
I mean, its easy to think im pathetic and this is all i think about, but the blog IS called "my messy breakup" right?
Actually, things are looking better.
So many things around me are great that i cant let A and D pull me down completely. School, party, dance, friends, my cats, my birthday coming up in two days, me still being hotter than a mutha when i go out and gettin "mad burn" as my NY sister would say. Apparently that means the men show you love in the club.....lol
And Q, she´s a great friend right now. Since she is A´s best friend, but has now stepped back from her and feel like she wants to "break up" with her. It makes me feel like im not completely wrong in my hate for A and D. They suck.
i went to the party. Both of them were there. I ignored A and she ignored me. Someone said "here is D, you know him right? " i just looked at him and said "yes".
but of course, with alcohol and emotions runnin wild, at the end of the night things were a bit different. I had cussed D out, screaming at the top of my lungs, and A said to me when we were confronted with eachother "why am i even talking to you, you turned all my friends against me". yeah, I turned them against you... Like you didnt do that by your damn self. when i came to the party, all your friends looked at me and asked how i was feeling and proceded to look at me with doggy eyes saying they heared what happened and felt bad for me. So A, you turned them against you by your damn self, i didnt even have to add to my case. A strong fuckin case that is.
but i had a good time at the party before all this went down. D stayed out of my way, so did A. but as i have mentioned before, the fact that they went there, both of them, is appaling to me.
So at this point, my sadness has turned into hate and discust. More discust than anything, i feel like throwing up when i think of them together.
The bad thing is i feel like getting even. I dont give a shit about her, she is lonley anyway. but him, i have some things, passwords...i could get even if i wanted to. He promised me my money back (can u believe he still owes me cash? and is in no hurry to pay that shit back?) more than three weeks ago, and i still havent seen them. so i emailed him today, lets see what he answeres.
fredag 5 december 2008
Not sure
Not sure what to do tomorrow. I really need to have fun and see my friends, but im not sure i can face A and D who are insisting on going ever though she is not wanted there. I dont know what to do. Ill probably talk to D tomorrow during the day. But those are two false motherfuckers, he could tell me he is alone, but be with her. Since she only calls me when she is with him. I dont know what they are afraid of, me? Why cant you be honest and talk to me alone? I dont get it.
onsdag 3 december 2008
Out of my-out of my head...getout
Im having bad thoughts. Get out of my head. I know what would hurt her, but it would also make me look bad. Dont know if i care, but i think i do...
Its a struggle not to stoop that low...
I know im blaming them for all of this. And more her. I believe i explained why.
My mind is not clear enough to see my part in all this, although i know its in here somewhere. I know i cant blame them for it all, but i also know what they did was wrong. That will be my main focus for now.
Part of me wants to see her, needs to see how i react when i do. Maybe i should let her see me break down. Maybe i should not wait til im over it, so she might think its wasnt all that bad...
Its a struggle not to stoop that low...
I know im blaming them for all of this. And more her. I believe i explained why.
My mind is not clear enough to see my part in all this, although i know its in here somewhere. I know i cant blame them for it all, but i also know what they did was wrong. That will be my main focus for now.
Part of me wants to see her, needs to see how i react when i do. Maybe i should let her see me break down. Maybe i should not wait til im over it, so she might think its wasnt all that bad...
They just cant leave me alone pt.2
D owes me money. About as much as i need to get by a month. Im broke, so i texted him today to tell him to pay up. As im texting him, A calls me! Like, didnt i tell you id call when i was ready? Id call when i could see your name on my display without crying? Nah, she feels we need to talk. Of course we do, eventually we will bump into eachother, and i dont want all hell to break loose. But i dont wanna see you for your sake, i wanna see you for my sake, thus, when IM ready.
Since i didnt answer, she sent me a text:
"Just wanted to see if you were ready to talk. It would be good if we talked before the party. I will also be there. None of us have more or less right to go, so i think we both shall go. Call me!"
Thing is, Q is having a party at her house, our mutual best friend. Long story short: I told Q that i wasnt coming if A was. I was definitely not coming if both A and D was gonna be there, showing their love in my face. Q understood and said she wanted me to come, but she was not gonna tell A to stay at home, thats her best friend. I respect that. D says "so youre not going?" and i explained that him and A have no respect for me and my feelings. I was helping with this party before they fucked behind my back. If anything, D should stay at home, its the two of them together i dont wanna see, but he wanted me to guarantee nothing would happen to A if she went. I said i cant guarantee that at all.
So he said hed stay at home, then A said she was gonna stay at home, and now all of a sudden, she is going. So this is how it went down:
i answered:
"nobody has more or less right to go, but you and D are nothing but mean if you feel both of you can be there together right in front of my eyes"
A:
"Its not about anyone wanting to be mean. if you dont wanna talk to me then at least talk to D"
Me:
"This whole thing is so messy, im practicing and cant talk right now. D was supposed to talk to me already but has avoided that of course. I dont think any of you understand how sad i am. I cant even write this without crying. No matter who i talk to i wont be over this by the weekend. I dont understand how the two of you cant respect another human being you have hurt, that a party is more important. Im not the one who did the wrong thing."
about four hours later i got this:
"Dont know how to answer your text. But my intention was never to be mean to you. i understand what you say but still hope we might be able to solve this and talk. I respect you! Even though i havent showed it. meet me so we can talk. Hugs!"
A, you dont understand.
Im throwing myself the biggest pity-party of all time, dont stop me now!?
I cant see your NAME without crying my damn eyes out, HOW could i POSSIBLY meet you?
Thing is, when Q said A wasnt coming to the party, i felt a sting in my heart. So somewhere deep down i do feel for her.
But she is not the one that is alone. Im getting not one but two cats tomorrow, all because i feel lonely. Ill be lovin my cats tho, dont get me wrong!
D sent me a message saying he will have my money by next week. Ending with a cheerful "but ill see you on saturday!" to which i answered "probably not since both you and A are going" Didnt get an answer, obviously, he didnt talk to her to find out her new plan to break me down even further.
Since i didnt answer, she sent me a text:
"Just wanted to see if you were ready to talk. It would be good if we talked before the party. I will also be there. None of us have more or less right to go, so i think we both shall go. Call me!"
Thing is, Q is having a party at her house, our mutual best friend. Long story short: I told Q that i wasnt coming if A was. I was definitely not coming if both A and D was gonna be there, showing their love in my face. Q understood and said she wanted me to come, but she was not gonna tell A to stay at home, thats her best friend. I respect that. D says "so youre not going?" and i explained that him and A have no respect for me and my feelings. I was helping with this party before they fucked behind my back. If anything, D should stay at home, its the two of them together i dont wanna see, but he wanted me to guarantee nothing would happen to A if she went. I said i cant guarantee that at all.
So he said hed stay at home, then A said she was gonna stay at home, and now all of a sudden, she is going. So this is how it went down:
i answered:
"nobody has more or less right to go, but you and D are nothing but mean if you feel both of you can be there together right in front of my eyes"
A:
"Its not about anyone wanting to be mean. if you dont wanna talk to me then at least talk to D"
Me:
"This whole thing is so messy, im practicing and cant talk right now. D was supposed to talk to me already but has avoided that of course. I dont think any of you understand how sad i am. I cant even write this without crying. No matter who i talk to i wont be over this by the weekend. I dont understand how the two of you cant respect another human being you have hurt, that a party is more important. Im not the one who did the wrong thing."
about four hours later i got this:
"Dont know how to answer your text. But my intention was never to be mean to you. i understand what you say but still hope we might be able to solve this and talk. I respect you! Even though i havent showed it. meet me so we can talk. Hugs!"
A, you dont understand.
Im throwing myself the biggest pity-party of all time, dont stop me now!?
I cant see your NAME without crying my damn eyes out, HOW could i POSSIBLY meet you?
Thing is, when Q said A wasnt coming to the party, i felt a sting in my heart. So somewhere deep down i do feel for her.
But she is not the one that is alone. Im getting not one but two cats tomorrow, all because i feel lonely. Ill be lovin my cats tho, dont get me wrong!
D sent me a message saying he will have my money by next week. Ending with a cheerful "but ill see you on saturday!" to which i answered "probably not since both you and A are going" Didnt get an answer, obviously, he didnt talk to her to find out her new plan to break me down even further.
They just cant leave me alone
Like i said, i was starting to feel good again, didnt have to fight the tears every day.
I realize that was just because i was pushing all that shit to the back of my mind, not thinking about it, hoping it would go away. i felt calm. i still do, but it scares me. I feel hate. i feel like i hate D and A. I hate them both.
Its quite difficult, cause im a lover, not a hater, i never hate, always forgive.
I think that might be why D acts like he does, he doesnt know how i feel, he doesnt know im capable of these horrible feelings. I feel like if I see her now, ill smack the shit out of her. Ill hurt her, for real. Ill beat her up, kick her, slap her, bite her, pull her hair, rip her clothes. I want her to suffer. Cause she knew D´s and my history, she knew I was with him, but still made plans to see him, knowing what we had.
I think she wishes she could take it all back, but she cant.
I dont and never will keep people like her around. Someone who is able to do what she did. Its plain horrible. What if I would start dating my friends dude the DAY after he dumped her? isnt that fucked up? Thats what i meant about waiting.
If i fell in love with my friends man, id wait. Id tell him, there is no way we can do this to her as long as she is hurt about you breaking up with her. She has to move on, be happy, THEN we can tell her we are in love.
But for me to hear that shit the same week he dumps me? The same week he ruins my dreams? And then she expects me to be cool with seeing them toghether already? How the fuck does tour brain work? really? I know you, A, have friends who feel you are the most egotistical woman they know, now i understad exactly what they meant.
I realize that was just because i was pushing all that shit to the back of my mind, not thinking about it, hoping it would go away. i felt calm. i still do, but it scares me. I feel hate. i feel like i hate D and A. I hate them both.
Its quite difficult, cause im a lover, not a hater, i never hate, always forgive.
I think that might be why D acts like he does, he doesnt know how i feel, he doesnt know im capable of these horrible feelings. I feel like if I see her now, ill smack the shit out of her. Ill hurt her, for real. Ill beat her up, kick her, slap her, bite her, pull her hair, rip her clothes. I want her to suffer. Cause she knew D´s and my history, she knew I was with him, but still made plans to see him, knowing what we had.
I think she wishes she could take it all back, but she cant.
I dont and never will keep people like her around. Someone who is able to do what she did. Its plain horrible. What if I would start dating my friends dude the DAY after he dumped her? isnt that fucked up? Thats what i meant about waiting.
If i fell in love with my friends man, id wait. Id tell him, there is no way we can do this to her as long as she is hurt about you breaking up with her. She has to move on, be happy, THEN we can tell her we are in love.
But for me to hear that shit the same week he dumps me? The same week he ruins my dreams? And then she expects me to be cool with seeing them toghether already? How the fuck does tour brain work? really? I know you, A, have friends who feel you are the most egotistical woman they know, now i understad exactly what they meant.
Last weeks party
I went out with Q and her friends, plus J last week. I had a great time, and honest great time, didnt have to put on a happy face! Until today, i thought i was getting over this messy breakup bullshit. But ill write another post about that.
We went to a dancehall party, i put on my baddest outfit, showing off my new great body, and got so many compliments. When you feel like something the cat dragged in most of the time, its nights like those you have to suck it all in like a vacuumcleaner, take the compliments and dont be ashamed to do so.
And i danced my ass off! Had so much fun, didnt even drink too much. The next day i had a message on facebook from a guy who saw me there, saying he loved my look but was too shy to come up to me... I guess he found me on one of his friends profiles, but that have taken some detective work! Some woman was taking MAD pictures of me too, for a fashion site, she was snappin away at me when i was dancin with J like there was no tomorrow.
If this blog wasnt "undercover" id post those photos when i see them online. Maybe i will and just X out my face;)
We went to a dancehall party, i put on my baddest outfit, showing off my new great body, and got so many compliments. When you feel like something the cat dragged in most of the time, its nights like those you have to suck it all in like a vacuumcleaner, take the compliments and dont be ashamed to do so.
And i danced my ass off! Had so much fun, didnt even drink too much. The next day i had a message on facebook from a guy who saw me there, saying he loved my look but was too shy to come up to me... I guess he found me on one of his friends profiles, but that have taken some detective work! Some woman was taking MAD pictures of me too, for a fashion site, she was snappin away at me when i was dancin with J like there was no tomorrow.
If this blog wasnt "undercover" id post those photos when i see them online. Maybe i will and just X out my face;)
onsdag 26 november 2008
Shit
She, A, called me in the middle of dinner, and now it sits cold on the table. Me loosing it in cry- mode made me forget to eat.
I hope this dont turn into me and M all over again, when we "broke up" i couldnt eat for days and days...
Time to go reheat.
And no more cryin! I have to work tomorrow and puffy eyes are a dead giveaway. Im very good at hiding my feelings, great as a matter of fact. Thats why im so shocked right now. Cause im reacting like a real woman for once.
I hope this dont turn into me and M all over again, when we "broke up" i couldnt eat for days and days...
Time to go reheat.
And no more cryin! I have to work tomorrow and puffy eyes are a dead giveaway. Im very good at hiding my feelings, great as a matter of fact. Thats why im so shocked right now. Cause im reacting like a real woman for once.
Love is love- you could have waited
love is love but you could have waited
thats all i ask
you could have waited
and you should have waited
love is love
so love will be love next year too
there was no hurry
for you
or for her
everything could have been avoided if you had not been selfish
love is love, always have been always will be
and you could have waited
thats all i ask
you could have waited
and you should have waited
love is love
so love will be love next year too
there was no hurry
for you
or for her
everything could have been avoided if you had not been selfish
love is love, always have been always will be
and you could have waited
Dont get me wrong...
...im mad at him too. He was my friend, he said what we have even when we are not lovers, is something special, that he will always be my friend. But friends dont do this. You have no idea what it means to be a friend.
What i gave up for you. Cause you were my friend. Its unbelievable, but now i think you tricked me into it. You came with me for the first visit to the hospital, making me think that you would actually come and meet me for my next. Telling me youd be an hour or so late, just so I would take that first pill and it would not be reversible. You knew that if I knew you wouldnt show up, i would not have done it, and you would have a son. Or another daughter. But as long as you made sure I took that first pill, youd be home free. Then you could run and hide.
I had forgiven you, you know that.
But now it all comes back. You digged that shit right up again. Cause i wanted that baby. I did. You know i did.
Thats why im mad. The baby. The money. The fact that i saved you, and did my best to save you multiple times, but you do this to me. I did all that, and you feel you can just trade me in for A. You can toss me aside and claim "it just happened" when you knew damn well how small it would make me feel, how it would break me down, how it would make me feel like i did it all in vain and that it didnt mean shit to you. That I didnt mean shit to you. And you thought that im always so nice, ill just gobble up your "im sorries" and move on.
Well guess what?
Its not that easy.
And im cryin like a baby.
What i gave up for you. Cause you were my friend. Its unbelievable, but now i think you tricked me into it. You came with me for the first visit to the hospital, making me think that you would actually come and meet me for my next. Telling me youd be an hour or so late, just so I would take that first pill and it would not be reversible. You knew that if I knew you wouldnt show up, i would not have done it, and you would have a son. Or another daughter. But as long as you made sure I took that first pill, youd be home free. Then you could run and hide.
I had forgiven you, you know that.
But now it all comes back. You digged that shit right up again. Cause i wanted that baby. I did. You know i did.
Thats why im mad. The baby. The money. The fact that i saved you, and did my best to save you multiple times, but you do this to me. I did all that, and you feel you can just trade me in for A. You can toss me aside and claim "it just happened" when you knew damn well how small it would make me feel, how it would break me down, how it would make me feel like i did it all in vain and that it didnt mean shit to you. That I didnt mean shit to you. And you thought that im always so nice, ill just gobble up your "im sorries" and move on.
Well guess what?
Its not that easy.
And im cryin like a baby.
Headache
This is gonna be one miserable blog. Hopefully at the end it will all be sunshine and flowers, then ill have to change the name of it...
Ive cried so hard my head now hurts. My eyes are sore and puffy. Ive been crawled up in fetal position, crying my eyes out, like they do in movies. The neighbors could probably hear me, thats how loud and ugly it was. I was hyperventilating, couldnt breathe, coughing...ugh...
I cried because A called me. She called. The new woman. The other woman.
I saw her name on my display and fuckin LOST it! I had no idea i had all these feelings. Or, its that i am now starting to understand WHY i have these feelings. I hate her, but i couldnt say why. Im not in love with D, and i dont want to be his girlfriend. He made a mess out of my life, but i love him. So if im not mad she "took" the love of my life, why am i mad?
I mad she stole my dream. Im mad she knows our history and still chose to not wait. She knew it would hurt me, but didnt choose to wait.
I know deep down that him and I are not meant to be together as lovers, as a couple. But my dream right now was to try. I was ready to try, and thats what he wanted too, since he told me so. But then he changed his mind, and the same day, poof! SHE was there to scoop him up. Actually, before he dumped me, she was there to scoop him up.
The dream she stole was that i was finally gonna have a man in Sweden, i was gonna learn what it meant to be a girlfriend for real. And i loved him, still do, always will.
What they did has made me feel like all the history me and D had was useless, didnt matter. Everything i did for him... She even defended me once and cussed him out for something he did to me, and now she turns around and takes him from me? Fuckin insane.
Ive cried so hard my head now hurts. My eyes are sore and puffy. Ive been crawled up in fetal position, crying my eyes out, like they do in movies. The neighbors could probably hear me, thats how loud and ugly it was. I was hyperventilating, couldnt breathe, coughing...ugh...
I cried because A called me. She called. The new woman. The other woman.
I saw her name on my display and fuckin LOST it! I had no idea i had all these feelings. Or, its that i am now starting to understand WHY i have these feelings. I hate her, but i couldnt say why. Im not in love with D, and i dont want to be his girlfriend. He made a mess out of my life, but i love him. So if im not mad she "took" the love of my life, why am i mad?
I mad she stole my dream. Im mad she knows our history and still chose to not wait. She knew it would hurt me, but didnt choose to wait.
I know deep down that him and I are not meant to be together as lovers, as a couple. But my dream right now was to try. I was ready to try, and thats what he wanted too, since he told me so. But then he changed his mind, and the same day, poof! SHE was there to scoop him up. Actually, before he dumped me, she was there to scoop him up.
The dream she stole was that i was finally gonna have a man in Sweden, i was gonna learn what it meant to be a girlfriend for real. And i loved him, still do, always will.
What they did has made me feel like all the history me and D had was useless, didnt matter. Everything i did for him... She even defended me once and cussed him out for something he did to me, and now she turns around and takes him from me? Fuckin insane.
I never thought i would cry like this
I cried when that thing with me and M happened late this summer.
But this is different.
I feel betrayed. Back stabbed.
Ive only cried about ten times today. Lets call that a good day.
Q called and told me A is sad. She is not herself anymore. Well A, was it worth it? D wanted to talk to me about it all today when he called, but i felt he should come here. Home to me and tell me to my face. Its so easy to defend yourself when you dont see my tears. Its so easy to defend yourself over the phone. In person, you will have to DEAL.
I hope she will never be herself again. Right now, i can NOT forgive. I should for my own sake, be a lil buddah, forgive, see the light, be kind, not hate....
I cant!
I want to get even.
I want D to fail his stupid music carreer.
I want A to be misarable working as a lousy store clerk while i make it big in the industry.
I want them to brake up and be unhappy.
I want a successful gorgeous man who would kick D´s ass any day.
I want them to be stuck in D´s terrible debt and finance bullshit.
But deep inside i want none of this. (except for the man and my carreer)
I want everybody to be happy. Me, you, her, him, she, it, them, we.
But right now, i want A and D to be dead and gone.
But this is different.
I feel betrayed. Back stabbed.
Ive only cried about ten times today. Lets call that a good day.
Q called and told me A is sad. She is not herself anymore. Well A, was it worth it? D wanted to talk to me about it all today when he called, but i felt he should come here. Home to me and tell me to my face. Its so easy to defend yourself when you dont see my tears. Its so easy to defend yourself over the phone. In person, you will have to DEAL.
I hope she will never be herself again. Right now, i can NOT forgive. I should for my own sake, be a lil buddah, forgive, see the light, be kind, not hate....
I cant!
I want to get even.
I want D to fail his stupid music carreer.
I want A to be misarable working as a lousy store clerk while i make it big in the industry.
I want them to brake up and be unhappy.
I want a successful gorgeous man who would kick D´s ass any day.
I want them to be stuck in D´s terrible debt and finance bullshit.
But deep inside i want none of this. (except for the man and my carreer)
I want everybody to be happy. Me, you, her, him, she, it, them, we.
But right now, i want A and D to be dead and gone.
You knew this would hurt me, and did it anyway
Yup.
You knew.
You knew it was wrong, and you knew it would hurt me. I feel like its hurt me beyond repair. I wont trust again. I dont want any new female friends, cause id never trust them around my man. Apparently, the only women i can trust round my man are the ones ive know forever and ever. And i cant get a new "since forever" girlfriend.
Both A and D tried to hide it from me. They told other people before they told me. They never told me, my best friend couldnt stand seeing me, talking to me, knowing what was going on, knowing that i didnt know. So she told me. And she did the right thing. D, i dont care that you are angry with her, she did the right thing.
Both A and D have, since this bomb dropped, made it clear that they think it would have been better if i didnt know they were together. How could i not know? D told more than one of my closest friends. He even told a friend that I introduced to him, someone who is MY friend first, not HIS. What the hell were you thinking???
You knew.
You knew it was wrong, and you knew it would hurt me. I feel like its hurt me beyond repair. I wont trust again. I dont want any new female friends, cause id never trust them around my man. Apparently, the only women i can trust round my man are the ones ive know forever and ever. And i cant get a new "since forever" girlfriend.
Both A and D tried to hide it from me. They told other people before they told me. They never told me, my best friend couldnt stand seeing me, talking to me, knowing what was going on, knowing that i didnt know. So she told me. And she did the right thing. D, i dont care that you are angry with her, she did the right thing.
Both A and D have, since this bomb dropped, made it clear that they think it would have been better if i didnt know they were together. How could i not know? D told more than one of my closest friends. He even told a friend that I introduced to him, someone who is MY friend first, not HIS. What the hell were you thinking???
Long day
He called today.
Saying he cant take it, that this situation is getting out of hand.
See, A also hurt someone, she left someone for him, D. So she hurt me, she hurt the one she left, and the one she left is also in our circle of closest friends. From what ive heard he is not hurt...but he dislikes what A did, and his friends dont like it one bit either.
What the fuck were you thinking???
A and me share the same best friend. The one A left is also my best friends best friend. Do you get it? Its one messy pile of dirt. And A and D say, "it just happened"...
It didnt just happen, YOU TWO decided it was more important to sleep together and all of a sudden "be in love, not gonna hide it from anybody, we are in title to our feelings"
Damn right you are, and you two can fuck off with em. Take your feelings and leave. Cause I would NEVER do this to another. Never.
Saying he cant take it, that this situation is getting out of hand.
See, A also hurt someone, she left someone for him, D. So she hurt me, she hurt the one she left, and the one she left is also in our circle of closest friends. From what ive heard he is not hurt...but he dislikes what A did, and his friends dont like it one bit either.
What the fuck were you thinking???
A and me share the same best friend. The one A left is also my best friends best friend. Do you get it? Its one messy pile of dirt. And A and D say, "it just happened"...
It didnt just happen, YOU TWO decided it was more important to sleep together and all of a sudden "be in love, not gonna hide it from anybody, we are in title to our feelings"
Damn right you are, and you two can fuck off with em. Take your feelings and leave. Cause I would NEVER do this to another. Never.
tisdag 25 november 2008
He just called
...tryin to make things right, cause HE feels bad. Cause all of our mutual friends are being dragged into this bullshit, choosing sides, not wanting his new girl around.
Well, yes, YOU dragged everybody into this by not telling me what was going on, by telling THEM first. By making me feel insignificant, not important enough.
The history we had and still have was obliterated the second you did what you did. And then you say you want us to be friends. That we have a history. You effectively killed that past by leaving me for her.
I dont think you know what it feels like to be left for someone else. It dont matter if i was in love with you or not. Knowing that you left me for her KILLS my selfesteem, selfworth, and all i can do is cry and wonder. Wonder when ill get it all back. Myself. When will i get myself back? When will i feel happy when im out dancing? When will i feel happy period?
Well, yes, YOU dragged everybody into this by not telling me what was going on, by telling THEM first. By making me feel insignificant, not important enough.
The history we had and still have was obliterated the second you did what you did. And then you say you want us to be friends. That we have a history. You effectively killed that past by leaving me for her.
I dont think you know what it feels like to be left for someone else. It dont matter if i was in love with you or not. Knowing that you left me for her KILLS my selfesteem, selfworth, and all i can do is cry and wonder. Wonder when ill get it all back. Myself. When will i get myself back? When will i feel happy when im out dancing? When will i feel happy period?
Background
This is the story about my messy break up.
He left me, and i dont know how to get over it. My feelings are all over the place, and i have to try every and anything to make my stupid heart understand. Understand why, how....and so many more questions.
Ive tried in the past to write down things, when shit happens to me, in an effort to move on. It has helped, and this time, in the era of blogs, i think this could be a solution. If not, ill just stop blogging.
Its not even about you reading this, you, HER or anybody we know. Its all about me.
I hope neither one of you finds this blog and understands its me, cause if you read this, you´d know...
But for me to keep track of everybody ill be writing about, SHE, the other or should i say new, woman will be namned A. You, the man who left me is D.
Everyone in this blog will be namned by one letter only, as their story is woven into mine...
He left me, and i dont know how to get over it. My feelings are all over the place, and i have to try every and anything to make my stupid heart understand. Understand why, how....and so many more questions.
Ive tried in the past to write down things, when shit happens to me, in an effort to move on. It has helped, and this time, in the era of blogs, i think this could be a solution. If not, ill just stop blogging.
Its not even about you reading this, you, HER or anybody we know. Its all about me.
I hope neither one of you finds this blog and understands its me, cause if you read this, you´d know...
But for me to keep track of everybody ill be writing about, SHE, the other or should i say new, woman will be namned A. You, the man who left me is D.
Everyone in this blog will be namned by one letter only, as their story is woven into mine...
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